A Resolution I’ll Actually Keep: My 2018 Orgasm Spreadsheet

I’ll be honest, y’all: I’m not really one for New Year’s resolutions. I do tend to get introspective at the end of the year, reflecting on the previous 12 months and the things I’ve accomplished, and I try to begin January 1st on a positive note, mindful of certain intentions I’ve settled on for the upcoming year. But when it comes to standard, straightforward, concrete resolutions? It’s never been my thing.

But this year, I have a resolution: I’m keeping an orgasm spreadsheet for 2018.

Sex and orgasm spreadsheets are pretty popular with many sex bloggers I follow, and I find them all fascinating. I mean, I’m a librarian who also majored in political science in undergrad, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that I love data. I know lots of people who create spreadsheets for everything, but they’re usually for scheduling or organizational purposes; there’s nothing to really analyze there. But a sex spreadsheet has actual data I can use!

So I decided that 2018 would be the year that I created a spreadsheet of my own, where I track my orgasms (please ignore the lack of color-coding, that will come soon!):


(Image: screenshot of my 2018 Orgasm Tracking spreadsheet, including date, toy(s), porn, solo or partnered, and notes columns)

I considered a separate spreadsheet to track my actual sexual encounters as well, but since I’m in a monogamous LDR (meaning I have sporadic periods of concentrated sex with one partner), I didn’t think there would be much interesting information to glean from that. Instead, I opted to reflect my sex with Swarley in the solo or partnered column, as I find I orgasm almost every time we have sex. (I’m a lucky girl.)

Six days into this endeavor, there are no surprises so far regarding the toys and porn I prefer, but I have already tweaked the format a bit. I originally included a “location” column, but I quickly realized it was rather unnecessary – most of my masturbation tends to happen in my bedroom – so I added the notes column instead. Right now, my notes only discuss the kind of porn I was watching, but other possibilities include: differing locations, scene information when it’s a partnered orgasm, interesting fantasies, or any other notable details that may occur to me.

Not only am I looking forward to analyzing the data and uncovering any insights it might reveal, I think the very act of orgasm tracking itself will be beneficial for me. My D/s dynamic with Swarley involves some orgasm control, but because of distance and some mental health stuff, I get one “free” orgasm every day for which I don’t have to ask permission. If I want more, I have to ask, and I’m usually granted them.

We started the daily freebie thing because of how orgasms have a general net positive effect on my mood and mental health, and he didn’t want to take that away if he’s not available to respond to a request. However, I also have a tendency to get trapped into a vicious, self-perpetuating cycle of low libido and depressive states: I feel shitty, I won’t masturbate, I continue feeling shitty and continue to not masturbate.

I think – I hope – that this spreadsheet will help keep me from falling into those cycles, because my (albeit mild) depression and anxiety can seem like insurmountable obstacles when I’m in the midst of them. But being focused on and intentional about orgasms will keep my own pleasure at the forefront of my mind, and then logging them, distilling them into consumable data, transforms a New Year’s resolution from a looming, year-long obligation into an easy daily ritual that is fun and satisfying.

What about your resolutions, friends? Are you planning to create a sex spreadsheet? Have you in the past? Let me know in the comments or tweet me!

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