The Aerial Feminist

Recently, I spent a lovely evening with three of my friends: a couple with whom I am very close, and another of our mutual friends. We drank, ate burgers from the grill, sweltered in the Midwestern summer heat, and chatted about various things, including politics and some drama that’s been happening in our friend group.

Oh, and for about an hour, I was being tied up in the living room.

I imagine it would have been an odd sight, to someone unfamiliar: two women standing with their arms behind their backs and wearing tank tops and short shorts, chatting casually while a man stood behind each of them, tying them into harnesses. But this is the kind of thing my friends do on Saturday nights – and it’s one of the many reasons why finding a group of kinkster friends IRL has been so beneficial for me.

It’s no secret that I’m a bondage slut, but I’m a huge fan of rope in particular. I love everything about being tied: the intricacy and skill involved, the visual aesthetic, the feeling of confinement, the beautiful shapes my body can make. It is one of my biggest kink goals to be fully suspended one day. But, as with many of my other kinks, it can be difficult to do rope when I’m monogamous and Swarley, my boyfriend and Dom, lives hundreds of miles away. (And self-tying is hard when you have short arms!)

Enter platonic bunnying.

I know, I know. People do impact play and tie each other up and engage in all sorts of kink activities with platonic partners all the time. But I don’t. My brain just isn’t really wired that way. But to my surprise, I’ve found that I do rather enjoy doing this with a friend. Not an actual scene, during which I cannot extricate myself from all of the subby feelings that are exclusive to Swarley, but casual, friendly practice. Teaching each other, experimenting with new ties, spending time with friends I love and trust while also fulfilling a need that they both share and understand.

The friend thanked me repeatedly for bunnying for him, which amused me greatly – as if I were simply doing him a huge favor and he was in my debt. The rigger half of the couple had been mentoring him for several months, you see, but it was becoming more difficult for them to practice with two riggers and only one bunny. I don’t know why he never thought to ask me before; perhaps he felt it would be presumptuous or that he would be overstepping the boundaries of my relationship, neither of which were true. So the aforementioned overworked bunny, who also happens to be one of my best friends, took it into her own hands and called me up from the metaphorical bench, and I immediately accepted – with Swarley’s full knowledge and permission, obviously. I am above all his good girl, after all.

And so it was that I found myself gossiping with my friend in her living room while neither of us had use of our arms. And while I went into the evening knowing I would have a good time, I did not anticipate how freeing – how restorative – it would be for me.

Of course, it wasn’t the same as when Swarley ties me. It’s an entirely separate experience, with its own unique set of emotions. Without any sort of D/s dynamic present, it’s…lighter, in a way? Not that I don’t laugh or have fun when Swarley ties me, but our scenes are always imbued with so much love and lust, and I slip easily into my submissive headspace. But with a completely platonic friend, there’s none of that, and I can enjoy the act of rope bottoming in and of itself. Examining the ties, inspecting my body, testing my flexibility and strength. No power exchange,  no mind games, no sex, just base physicality and connection with my own body.

Scenes are great. Sub space is great. But sometimes, it’s refreshing to simply relish in a kink act for no other reason than the pure, raw joy of it.